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n u m b by *delusionzOFgrandeur:icondelusionzOFgrandeur:

Categories Literature > Poetry > General Poetry > Fixed


Swift are the hours spent in idle rumination

Deadened by the echoes of ricocheting thoughts

Immersed in the death throes of this hopeless aberration

Thwarted by the shadow of the life that I have wrought
©2008 *delusionzOFgrandeur
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Submitted: April 29
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Comments: 19
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Author's Comments

The lines may be few, but it exudes profundity I think.

Or maybe that's just me, lol. I do like this one.

It strikes a very personal chord with me.

Written April 16, 2008.

Devious Comments

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~SasorisRedKitsune:iconSasorisRedKitsune: Apr 30, 2008, 7:06:33 AM
I don't understand the last line. I love the concept of the beginning though, how the hours pass quickly as they die from the thoughts bouncing around in your head. It's wonderful, your choice of words is amazing, since my vocabulary is weak. :D

--
A painless lesson is one without meaning. One who does not sacrifice anything cannot achieve anything.

--
"You can call her name a thousand times, and she will always be there.
You can love her with all your heart, but she is never going to care."
*delusionzOFgrandeur:icondelusionzOFgrandeur: May 1, 2008, 3:48:27 PM
:D You don't understand it, like it doesn't fit with the rest of the poem,
or you don't understand it because I went off in a different direction and lost you?

:glomp: Thank you so much for the praise! You just made my day.

--
I'm so adjective, I verb nouns.
~SasorisRedKitsune:iconSasorisRedKitsune: May 2, 2008, 7:40:14 AM
"of the life that I have wrought" feels different, lilke it's part of something else. It changes the theme I think. @_@

--
A painless lesson is one without meaning. One who does not sacrifice anything cannot achieve anything.

--
"You can call her name a thousand times, and she will always be there.
You can love her with all your heart, but she is never going to care."
~unconscious54:iconunconscious54: May 3, 2008, 5:37:21 PM
:jawdrop: Your poems are amazing.

--
I'm just a dead man
Lyin' on the carpet
Can't find a heartbeat
Make me breathe.
--- Dead Man, Jars of Clay
*delusionzOFgrandeur:icondelusionzOFgrandeur: May 3, 2008, 7:54:10 PM
:wow: Really? Aww, you just made my day!

--
I'm so adjective, I verb nouns.
*delusionzOFgrandeur:icondelusionzOFgrandeur: May 3, 2008, 8:11:31 PM
Oooh... Me thinks you are right. But I kind of like the abrupt end it brings. So sudden and BAM. :D

--
I'm so adjective, I verb nouns.
~SasorisRedKitsune:iconSasorisRedKitsune: May 4, 2008, 11:12:10 AM
OWW!!! I like that, BAM. XD I do that a lot. It annoys people, but in my stories I write, either nothing happens or everyone dies. :D

--
A painless lesson is one without meaning. One who does not sacrifice anything cannot achieve anything.

--
"You can call her name a thousand times, and she will always be there.
You can love her with all your heart, but she is never going to care."
~unconscious54:iconunconscious54: May 4, 2008, 11:27:15 AM
Oh, yeah! ?:D

--
I'm just a dead man
Lyin' on the carpet
Can't find a heartbeat
Make me breathe.
--- Dead Man, Jars of Clay
*delusionzOFgrandeur:icondelusionzOFgrandeur: May 4, 2008, 3:03:37 PM
:rofl: I do the same thing with my stories! I mean, they're epic but everyone just seems to die.

--
I'm so adjective, I verb nouns.
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